I weigh myself down so I don’t hit my head on the ceiling fan and
I watch were I walk because it gives me a reason to not talk
Balance
I shove ear buds in and turn it up one past bearable
And still the world is too noisy
And still I want to float away
These pills chopped off the top of your head and scooped out a thank you
Thank you
Balance
Waves are gone just a monotone gray alien taking your picture and listing your condition
Poor fashion
Balance
I look up and fall

I’ve been having nightmares multi-ended cinema features and waking menaces of giant men calling my name and pulling me from a globe of shield bringing me to their teeth I’ve been have waking fears hearing my name when no one is home a simple call or question left hanging I’ve been walking half distracted by my children the weight which keeps me grounded their laughter and bickering and half basted in surreal fantasies aural displays of temper and direction an anxiety gone rogue and pulling me whole hog I used to fight with these voices from a very young age inner demons and angels screaming at me to do so do til I screamed back no no no so now they laugh at my decisions and mock my direction malevolent laughter and I ignore then for the most part they’re so loud lately walking waking nightmare I don’t know if the dream is real for several minutes I lean and reel unsettled doing everything I can to keep the chair sitting there losing bits of time I’d rather sleep where I know the dream is a dream until I wake and must decide if it separate or a proverb if I was eaten out will be eaten by who does it matter my thoughts sweetie to show me the way and I listen to the pictures displayed

How unfair is love
If but a thunderstrike of attention
Could turn your head
From years of calm summer days
Or a thunderstorm
Receive more praise than clement fields
Or hurricane pull you from your vows
When one fingertip could push you away from hands upon hands upon hands holding you up
How unfair is love

Drawl of flatline
Clouded rivers
Seaweed forests
I’m buried without a bell

But hopeful
Hopeful
Because I love you
a line drawn up from the anchor of hope

I prefer to be the stranger
It’s easier to explain away my eccentricities as rudeness, stranger
to fact all the fictions and gossips as possible
yes, I am sick
Yes, I am impossible
In the macro view

In the microverse
Where everything is me
And everything is you
I’m in love
I’m in love
I’m in love

A coal in the center of my being
Maddens me
Into speaking
A fiery hound loping ’round and around
my maelstromed heart
Yet
within my whirl
Your eye so calm

For H.M.