No. 23

Been stretching with my days

Rolled up in bed and sullen

My family is my anchor

Without them I’d brush away in the next storm

Depression isn’t the feeling in the deep down quiet

It’s nothingness

And this worries me in the places I don’t need to smile


No. 22

On nights as this

On fire creeping towards a permanent end in bed

I’d rather die standing

Moving beyond platitudes into raw emotion

That death would take me before the bed again

ME/CFS robs me of my brain can’t think straight

Of my time must lay flat

Of my life mustn’t do this mustn’t do that

I die in peace I live in horror

The choice would be simple

But for the pain it would bring my family

So I will smile when I can

Turn away from touch but not from love

Ah this burning tonight has me thinking the down deeps of thought

No. 21

Finished The Gorilla and The Bird

about a lawyer experiencing psychotic breaks brought on by bipolar disorder, and his supportive mother Bird:

I turn over the sticks and stones in my life

Searching for the creeping problems

To cage in a mason jar

And turn into art

Smells of ether and vomit and deaths

In the small room where I write

No. 18

The whirring fan annoys me

I am a hot nerve today

My hands twist and shake

As the exposed wire crisps

Curtains frame a world washed gray

His heavenly blue eyes bounce

From me to the window

My husband broad-shouldered and kind

Purses his lips

But says nothing

He senses the pain in my creased brow

Smells dampness in my soul


As if to say

We’ve got this me and you

No. 17

I play fetch with Basil

Our lab mix- white with orange spots

Her warm musty breath

Caught by my outstretched hand

I clutch her worn toy

Marinated in outside smells

Then throw it harder than I mean to

Knocking over an empty tea bottle

And laugh

For joy is flowing

My other dog

Our lab mix- black with white dusty muzzle

Curls into her bones on the couch

Huffs softly with her

Two tooth smile