Without you, the sun darkens
Cold settles in
Home becomes hollow
I feel the weight of my heart
Without you, laughter hurts
as the world keeps turning
My breath noticeable
Folding myself into origami
Shapes
I’ll see you
In full regalia
Arms outstretched or crossed
At my performance here
Without you
We’ll embrace again
My guardian angel
While we’re apart
You never mention snow in June
But now you mention her
As if she’d swirl in like the wind
And always be your girl
So if I’m packing parkas for a summer camp
Be sure I’ll know you’ll mention her
How pine trees made her snap
And the grand canyon couldn’t out-grand her smile
It’s been awhile, I’ll say
When I see her someday
On your arm
I don’t plan on laughing more lady-like
I quite like a well-placed guffaw
And one day I’ll be having a grand ole time
With someone who loves me as much as I loved ya
And I won’t mention you in passing
For you’ll have faded like a winter day
No, I’ll be laughing
Laughing, laughing
Sometimes laughing for no reason at all
The best way to stop someone wandering down a path is a post sign
Or a person bearing directions ill-conceived or conceived for ill
And none of this matters in the dark when the stars wipe away like so much glitter
Or you’re standing beside me
Nothing urges the sick traveller toward the forest like a well-worn path.
The tears you dare not wipe away
Worry the wrinkles’ pathways
To pillow and chest and hands
These helpless to soulscream
Absorb what they can
Strained clouds bleed
Pastel
Sequences without pattern
Or footsteps without man
Ghosts and formulas filling in for all we’ve loved
And all we’ve loved is one brain away
One false synapse from leaving us
For no other reason than
We had a hard time
No one would listen
I felt alone
In all that love?
In all that room.
The measure of me
In my hands
Hollowed to hold the weight of you
Scratches up and down the shirt to beg
A strike snapped from a snake
And all stillness
Then movement
Where the fan whispers into your clothes and sends the secrets tittering out
A flap of your jacket
A slip of hand from giants
And you’re gone
i had a crush
a bad crush
the kinda crush that makes you think the other guy’s got a crush
on you
and i was above it all
not a toe cross the line
until i couldn’t see him at all
oh, i had a bad, bad crush
the kind you can’t tell no one bout
not even the crush
but i did good things for him
and wished him good thoughts
and in all that good i got caught
in a crush
a bad, bad, bad crush
the kinda crush you tell people he has
on you
cause it’s true
then it’s not
but you still have that bad, bad, bad, bad crush
i think i can see him again without looking away
i think i could even smile
a little
little smile
that has nothing to do with him at all
i think i can glow by myself again
and not wish to step up and out again
if he enters a room
i think i could write one last poem for him
even a bad bad bad bad bad one
and leave it at that
or maybe two
from his bathtub
he listens to birdsong
beyond closed windows
muffled bursts of sunrise
scrub away the bruises
long to ease his shoulders
shadows flickering as cars break the light
he hums himself a birthday
a conjuring of youth
murmurs her name
scent of blueberries and forget-me-nots
in the bubbles about his knees
smooths back his hair with water
and sits forward dripping
he whistles a response to the
trickle tickle of birdsong
and waits for her name to replay
forgiven, always
though faith dislodges
forgiveness, always
i won’t let the tears slow me down
I’ve known the steely eye
the throwing horse
the shuttered brow
and i will not offer these to you
but carry on as we normally do
core shredded by dogs
green whether weeds or flower stalks
the fields nod confident to the whispering wind
yes i will meet every challenge you give
i will fall when you say fall
unbidden rise again
and i
need no hand to rise
but my own
AbyKittiwake 