Fields and feasts turn over
A world spun free and rotten
The hair and gas of dog
On a long line common
A world still soaking
Its bunions and stresses away
Past clover and cover and Mammon
On a long line common
Savage as wolf
Starving
Peculiar as man
Starving
Biting down
On a long line common
Strained clouds bleed
Pastel
Sequences without pattern
Or footsteps without man
Ghosts and formulas filling in for all we’ve loved
And all we’ve loved is one brain away
One false synapse from leaving us
For no other reason than
We had a hard time
No one would listen
I felt alone
In all that love?
In all that room.
The measure of me
In my hands
Hollowed to hold the weight of you
Scratches up and down the shirt to beg
A strike snapped from a snake
And all stillness
Then movement
Where the fan whispers into your clothes and sends the secrets tittering out
A flap of your jacket
A slip of hand from giants
And you’re gone
Intentions turn the wipers on
A shimmering of anxiety
Touches my dancing soul
Chaos found me pretty
Willing to upend a life spent shivering in anxiety
But you thick and barnacled, wise and rusted
Found I needed a chain to shake about
Like a tambourine round the old camper
Found me beautiful in any state
Found me light as a feather
As a spark from the lighter
As the first day you lifted me far above your head asking
Tell me all you see and once you fly higher
Shout it down
I’ll make it out as best I can
Until I learn the language of your tongue
I’ve started school and poetry isn’t even on the stove anymore. This bothered me at first, but I’m truly loving school and know what I’m learning will make my writing better. I chose to major in philosophy. It makes my eyes cross a bit, but that has yet to deter me. I’m two weeks in at this point, and couldn’t be happier.
so, poetry
slaps of water
shoreline red sand
i watch for the fins of dolphins
and find the fins of sharks
love you guys,
Aby aka De
i feel thin
like pieces of paper
stapled together
faint writing fainting more
echoes don’t answer in a place like this
where Waves of silence oppress the space
but i will hope even here
though life offer me despair
dark shapes shake me to the core
yet i will not turn away as before
I struggle with mental health. This is going to be a bit of a rocky post, but bear with me as I go from mental health ally to mental health advocate.
Important note: Not a medical doctor, just a fellow sufferer with experience in social anxiety, major depressive disorder, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Take everything I say with a grain of salt.
These are three things I do before I go down into the rabbit hole of depression-
I ask, Am I doing the things I can to be more in touch with Heavenly Father? Remember, for those of faith, being depressed can make you feel as if the spirit isn’t with you. If you know you’re doing what you can to be in touch with God, rest assured He is with you. For me these acts of faith include prayer, scripture study, reading or listening to sermons and attending church.
I consider my physical body. As with heart disease- I try to do what helps my condition. Diet, exercise, rest, meditation and medication can be life-changers for a chronic condition. Remember, you do what’s right for you. Not everyone with heart disease needs medication, but some do. Diet and exercise alone may not be what’s right for you.
I consider my allies- But when these things don’t seem to be working- when life seems irrevocably dark despite my best efforts- I remember this is my illness. And I hang on for the ride. I may have no energy for mental health beyond uttering a prayer. During these times, understanding is needed from my allies- friends, family and my therapist. Depression is a battle. Sometimes we need a shieldbearer. Sometimes we just need a hand there for us when we reach out.
As a final thought, I quote Jeffrey R. Holland, “we are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions!” The rest of his talk, Like a Broken Vessel, is hopeful. On bad days, I play it over again. I’ve linked it below.
We are more than our depression or anxiety. We are more than our burdens. Yet we do struggle, we do stumble. And that’s okay.
God will not always take the burden from me, but He can lighten the load.
O, deep the river
wide the chasm
that keeps my heart from you
yet canyons support the power
if a simple I love you
Come Join an Amazing Group of Mental Health Warriors
I have joined a group of people from around the world to talk about and tackle mental health. For those of you who don’t know, I’m bipolar (type 2.) I plan on talking more about mental health in the coming months and will be posting on The Bipolar Writer’s WordPress page. I wanted to invite you to join the discussion.
James Edgar Skye (The Bipolar Writer on WordPress) collaborated with Grounds for Clarity on a Discord Channel called Community Mental Health Discussions. It is a place where you can come anonymously if needed to discuss the many topics that come with mental illness and mental health. Our goal is to have open-ended discussions that are open 24/7. James Edgar Skye, Em and myself are moderators. Beyond that it is a place where you can share your thoughts in a controlled atmopshere.
Want to join? Go to www.discord.com
Sign up for a discord account.
Then add me as a friend – Aby#6992
Send me a message that you are from WordPress, introduce yourself to me in a direct message if I don’t know you, and I will add you to the group!
If you have any questions or need help simply reach out.
Or email me @ abykittiwake@gmail.com
Here is the introduction to our discord:
Welcome to the first of its kind Discord community in which our goal is to provide a safe, anonymous, immersive, and experiential learning experience into mental health discussion.
We will provide a safe, anonymous, immersive and experiential learning experience into mental health discussion by sharing our personal stories. Here, we value transparency, your story, your authenticity…. in a place where we accept everyone’s point of view.
And what that means is, we may not always agree with one another and we believe within our community safely challenging one another’s perspectives is the key to collaborative discussion.
We strongly desire for everyone to speak from the lens with which they view life including but not limited to:
Politics
Religion/ Deity
Sexual orientation
Socioeconomic status
Ethnicity
Racial make-up
Education
Culture
Physical/ Mental/ Social/ Emotional/ Environmental/ Spiritual factors
Lifestyle
Age (Group is reserved for 18 years and up)
Mother tongue
Professional/ Role in society
Taste of music
Sense of humour
Criminal record
Sports affiliation
Military background
All inclusive in a respectful way is what we strive to achieve at this Discord channel.
Discord Moderators can be personally messaged if you wish to voice a concern. However, we strongly encourage open discussion during “stuck” times in conversation in order to foster mutual respect.
The right to delete comments, ban individuals and block chat members is reserved to Discord Moderators as follows:
James Edgar Skye
Em
Aby (that’s me!)
If you have any questions please contact me or leave comments below. This is separate from our weekly Saturday discussions that we will be hosting on Zoom.
Always Keep Fighting
AbyKittiwake 