We say hush to the daffodil
Unvein our worries
Until morning comes
The daffodil awakens
While I slump forward sleeping
Tag: depression
Helpless
How long will darkness lay with you
I gently sweep through your hair
A forehead free of fever
Yet locked in battle, you sweat
I call no dirge to lips
Nor raise my hammer to forge
I gently sweep through your hair
My fingers lost and forlorn
Fairies dare not answer
Trolls turn their gaze with a grin
’tis the dance of death upon them
I gently sweep through your hair
Untitled
Centered in self
I find myself twisting
A worm in the fish’s mouth
A sidenote in someone else’s ending
Eventide
Moored to a diamond laden lake
The moon asks her where she’s been
Lost in the tangles of time
She replies
The gardener comes to cut me down with his shears
Almost through the limb
I’ve been healing the spots chewed
That’s all
Tilting Downhill
The best way to stop someone wandering down a path is a post sign
Or a person bearing directions ill-conceived or conceived for ill
And none of this matters in the dark when the stars wipe away like so much glitter
Or you’re standing beside me
Nothing urges the sick traveller toward the forest like a well-worn path.
Awakening
Strained clouds bleed
Pastel
Sequences without pattern
Or footsteps without man
Ghosts and formulas filling in for all we’ve loved
And all we’ve loved is one brain away
One false synapse from leaving us
For no other reason than
We had a hard time
No one would listen
I felt alone
In all that love?
In all that room.
We Didn’t Know
The measure of me
In my hands
Hollowed to hold the weight of you
Scratches up and down the shirt to beg
A strike snapped from a snake
And all stillness
Then movement
Where the fan whispers into your clothes and sends the secrets tittering out
A flap of your jacket
A slip of hand from giants
And you’re gone
The Case
i feel thin
like pieces of paper
stapled together
faint writing fainting more
Waves
echoes don’t answer in a place like this
where Waves of silence oppress the space
but i will hope even here
though life offer me despair
dark shapes shake me to the core
yet i will not turn away as before
Faith and Mental Illness
I struggle with mental health. This is going to be a bit of a rocky post, but bear with me as I go from mental health ally to mental health advocate.
Important note: Not a medical doctor, just a fellow sufferer with experience in social anxiety, major depressive disorder, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Take everything I say with a grain of salt.
These are three things I do before I go down into the rabbit hole of depression-
I ask, Am I doing the things I can to be more in touch with Heavenly Father? Remember, for those of faith, being depressed can make you feel as if the spirit isn’t with you. If you know you’re doing what you can to be in touch with God, rest assured He is with you. For me these acts of faith include prayer, scripture study, reading or listening to sermons and attending church.
I consider my physical body. As with heart disease- I try to do what helps my condition. Diet, exercise, rest, meditation and medication can be life-changers for a chronic condition. Remember, you do what’s right for you. Not everyone with heart disease needs medication, but some do. Diet and exercise alone may not be what’s right for you.
I consider my allies- But when these things don’t seem to be working- when life seems irrevocably dark despite my best efforts- I remember this is my illness. And I hang on for the ride. I may have no energy for mental health beyond uttering a prayer. During these times, understanding is needed from my allies- friends, family and my therapist. Depression is a battle. Sometimes we need a shieldbearer. Sometimes we just need a hand there for us when we reach out.
As a final thought, I quote Jeffrey R. Holland, “we are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions!” The rest of his talk, Like a Broken Vessel, is hopeful. On bad days, I play it over again. I’ve linked it below.
We are more than our depression or anxiety. We are more than our burdens. Yet we do struggle, we do stumble. And that’s okay.
God will not always take the burden from me, but He can lighten the load.
AbyKittiwake 